Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Love, Marriage and Islam . . .

. . . from the perspective of an American Muslim muhajiba:

Born in Kenya of Indian heritage, I came to the United States at age 6, settling with my family in upstate New York. Growing up Muslim in suburban America, I missed out on the typical “Dawson’s Creek” method of courtship: the flirting, the fighting, the making up and making out.
. . .
So my friends and I had high expectations when it came to marriage, which was supposed to quickly follow graduation from college. That’s when our parents, many of whom had entered into arranged marriages, told us it was time to find the one man we would be waking up with for the rest of our lives, God willing. They just didn’t tell us how.
. . .
Yet now, at 29, despite all of my “meetings,” I remain unmarried. And in the last five years I’ve exhausted the patience of my matchmaking aunties and friends who have offered up their husbands’ childhood playmates.

I began to panic when I realized people were no longer even asking me how my husband hunt was going. I was too old to be hanging out at the mosque weekend school, where scarf-wearing teenage girls in tight jeans check out the boys from a distance (while pretending not to look). Yet I was not at the point where I’d consider importing a spouse from the subcontinent.


Angie Ellaboudy said...

woah.. that story has so many parts that sound so familiar (like the dressing rooms as prayer sanctuaries - i actually smiled when i read that - woah? im not the only one that does that?!) but so much of it is sooo distant..

may Allah (swt) protect her. amin.

Marya Bangee said...

"dressing rooms as prayer sanctuaries"

I do that too!!

The part that got me was:

"That's when our parents, many of whom had entered into arranged marriages, told us it was time to find the one man we would be waking up with for the rest of our lives, God willing. They just didn't tell us how."

She speaks the truth. What a catch-22!

May Allah swt guide us all - and bless Angie's nikkah next weekend! Yay! Allahu akbar! :)

Anonymous said...

May Allah grant you patience and strength- Ameen!

Don't lose hope- Allah's mercy is vast.

Anonymous said...

This girl is an idiot. She broke up over holding hands once! Sorry, but I was expected something worse like a girlfriend or something. Being religious is great, but let's get silly. I hope she finds a fob that will make her happy.

Dina Badawy (United States) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Huda Shaka` said...

I appreciate the sister's honesty and thank her for sharing her story which I hope will be a lesson for many (including myself): some things are not worth giving up - not even for marriage.

I'm glad she decided to end the relationship because her compromises would probably not have stopped at agreeing to hold hands.

If you have to convince a man to accept you as who you are that's probably not the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Adheim said...

asalam wa likume

i bear withness that there is nothing worthy but Allah and muhammed may Allah be pleased with him is this messenger as to what follows

ok sis i think your story is really kool , but sadly not uncommon U like many of my friends from the university face it . Its All kinda stupid actually ( how difficult is is to get married ) may Allah make it easy 4 U and me ( yea i does be on the other side of that all the time i'm 26 year old dude ,who's great great grand parents came form india ) but seriously i advise U that U should get married , and remind U and me that the prophet sali hu wa sulim said that women (and men) are married for 4 thing wealth , beauty status and religon and who ever married for somethig other than religon may their face be covered with dust ( ie they will be one of the losers . So (1)
use religon as the (1) factor in getting married yes U have a right to b provided 4 by your husband and they are many Ahadith and ayah of the Quran backing that Up like men are the protectors and maintainers of women becuse Allah have gives them more strenght . but as the first Ahadith reminds us it should not b the only thing
or the no 1 reason there is another Ahadith that the Scolars of Ahadith have said is weak but that the meaning is correct if a man comes to u and ask for daughter in marriage and he has good religon then marry him or else there will b great corruption on earth . and beauty is a factor too as the prophet sali hu wa sulim when he was told that an man was going to get marrie dhe ask him did U see her and he said go and look at her cause it causes more love in ther heart .

Ok i know above was loooong so let me summrise

i advise U my muslim sister to get married and to do so to some one with religon , take some some one U are attracted to and can take care ( finically) of U but dont make these thing the upper most in your choosing , by Allah i have seen within my own family ppl who married for and were rich and their marriage lasted 6 mths another married beauty being one of their major factors in the relitionship and it ended up @ a abusive relition ship and i does see this kind of stupidness all time Allah's prophet has indeed spoken the truth ( may their face b covered with dust . b moderate chill dont put too much on these things , look at the dudes religon and may Allah make this easy 4 U . And stand in the last 1/3 of the night and pray to Allah to help U with this . remember that wealth and beauty can change eh

lastly i know this muslim sister who did get married late and she could only have one kid the older U are the harder it is to have kids and hey run he rist of being retarded and stuff .

b patient and may Allah help U and make this ease 4 U

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